straight guys are absurd. i once asked one if they’d kiss a boy for $50,000 and they said no. at that point it’s not even gay it’s just the best option
she’s a lesbian girl now if anyone wanted an update.
Being raised by areligious jews with 0 exposure to christianity outside pop culture is so fun. One time I asked my ex-catholic friend why a picture of jesus had a bristle crown and she looked at me like I was insane. One time I heard someone mention the “lance of longinus” and responded, word for word, “Like from Evangelion?” One time during a history lesson my professor described an important monk and scholar as “Dominican” and I spent the rest of class super confused and hung up on it because I was very sure that the Dominican Republic didn’t meaningfully exist as an entity back then, maybe she meant he was a native Taino or something but that’s a weird way to say that and I’m pretty sure this was pre- European contact? Really fucks people up when they realize I genuinely have no idea.
This but it’s my partner taking an art history class in college and the professor looking at them like they grew a second head when they answered “What came out of Jesus’ wound when he was stabbed on the cross” with “…Blood?”
Additions that prove my point by mystifying me because what on earth would come out of a nail wound besides blood. Are you telling me it was something besides blood. What was jesus full of that wasn’t blood. You guys are scaring me
Apparently it was water?? I guess he was also stabbed on top of being crucified (which feels like overkill imo) and water came out, which was a huge deal in medieval symbolism and also to my medieval poetry professor, who was genuinely shocked and upset that I didn’t know. This man fully docked me points because I, a whole ass Jew, hadn’t somehow heard about the secret waterballoon Jesus lore that I guess everyone is supposed to like… intuit
On the plus side, it does lead to some absolutely wild medieval Jesus art of angels tapping him like a fucking keg
a friend of a friend went to go see passion of the christ for kicks without knowing anything about the story
when jesus was hauled up on the cross he turned to my friend and said, in all evident sincerity, ‘i know they’re not going to kill the main character but how’s jesus getting out of this one?’
my friend asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend because her parents are homophobic af but they ended up hating me so much that they were glad when she said she was gay task failed successfully
okay so
be a goth. conservative christian parents don’t approve of goth men. show up to their house wearing all kinds of satanic symbols if you can
know more about religion than the parents. they’ll try to introduce you to christianity because you don’t exactly look like a christian but your dad’s an ex priest and has a phd in theology so *cracks knuckles* you’ll correct them on every little mistake they make
call your fake girlfriend every annoying petname under the sun. i’m talking about babu, shmoopie, snuffleupagus. when you run out of annoying english terms of endearment call her shit like “my liver” or “my little cabbage” (actual greek terms of endearments but the parents won’t know this they’ll just think you’re annoying :3)
to continue this, talk to your fake girlfriend in the most high pitched annoying voice possible but talk in your regular voice to everyone else
stare at her older brother’s ass for just a little too long
have an annoying laugh. think of sybil fawlty but a stereotypical villain playing a church organ in his castle
let them quote bible verses to you. then ask “so when were those two destroyed for sodomy?”. it’s very funny to do this when judas kisses jesus, and it’s even funnier when you’ve just corrected them over a minor mistake in church history
ask WHY abraham was begging for sodom. it doesn’t make sense to you why a good christian man would go and beg for tha-
be over possessive of your fake gf (dont really do this, it’s just an act)
go and fuck her brother in an alleyway. the parents won’t know about this so it’s an optional step
use words no one knows the meaning of. do this without realising because you always talk like that
just be yourself! that’s enough on its own to make them despise you tbh
yes
i kissed him on the lips infront of his parents and claimed it was the usual greek greeting between men is that enough for you
Are you…. Are you secretly dating her brother OP?
yes
I wonder why
Show up again to admit to dating the brother, but dress like a typical suburbanite and act like you’ve never met the parents before. Absolute power move.
me: “yeah I dated a guy in high school who came out as gay. it was before i knew i was a boy so needless to say it didn’t work out”
coworker: “damn dude was preordering”
other things this coworker (who is a cis guy) has done/said:
—got confused about why I’d never been a boy scout because he forgot i was trans
—told me he was gonna get top surgery scar tattoos to match me after i get mine
—laughs at all my trans jokes, even if they’re supremely unfunny
—calls me big dog (and him little dog) even though he is about as tall as two of me
— “I can’t believe she would say that transphobic thing to you. In June? Pride month?”
Once I said “My gender is whatever’s funniest at the time” and my coworker stops dead in his tracks, turns slowly and says “So are your pronouns honk/honk?” killing me instantly
Roommate went out of town once, asked me to look after her cat.
Night one she comes down meowing at me. I go check her food/water, they’re full. Litter box empty. Make sure my roommate’s door is still open and she’s not locked out of her room or something. I try to pet her and she dodges me, offer her treats and she won’t have it, try playing with her but she won’t play, try just ignoring her and she won’t stop following me around meowing at me.
So I call my roommate, concerned maybe she was sick or in pain and that’s why she was being so insistent despite having all her needs met.
Roommate goes: “OH! She wants you to go to bed. Go upstairs to my room and just sit in my bed with her for a few minutes. She should curl up and get comfortable. Once shes laid down she usually lets me go back to what I’m doing she just can’t seem to go to bed on her own”
Sure enough, I go sit on roommates bed and she just happily jumps up, curls up on the blanket, and purrs herself to sleep.
I like when cats try to give their humans healthy habits.
Don Pierrot of Navarre always sat up at night until I came home, waiting for me on the inside of the door, and as soon as I stepped into the antechamber he would come rubbing himself against my legs, arching his back and purring in gladsome, friendly fashion. Then he would start to walk in front of me, preceding me like a page, and I am sure that if I had asked him to do so, he would have carried my candle. In this way he would escort me to my bedroom, wait until I had undressed, jump up on the bed, put his paws round my neck, rub his nose against mine, lick me with his tiny red tongue, rough as a file, and utter little inarticulate cries by way of expressing unmistakably the pleasure he felt at seeing me again. When he had sufficiently caressed me and it was time to sleep he used to perch upon the backboard of his bed and slept there like a bird roosting on a branch. As soon as I woke in the morning, he would come and stretch out beside me until I rose. Midnight was the latest time allowed for my return home. On this point Pierrot was as inflexible as a janitor… Twice or thrice Pierrot sat up for me until two o’clock in the morning, but presently he took offence at my conduct and went to bed without waiting for me. I was touched by this mute protest against my innocently disorderly way of life, and thereafter I regularly returned home at midnight. Pierrot, however, proved hard to win back; he wanted to make sure that my repentance was no mere passing matter, but once he was convinced that I had really reformed, he deigned to restore me to his good graces and again took up his nightly post in the antechamber.
Cats : trying to make us go to bed at a Reasonable Time since forever (so they can wake us up at 3 am for treats)
I got a laptop with Windows 11 for an IT course so I can get certified, and doing the first time device set-up for it made me want to commit unspeakable violence
Windows 11 should not exist, no one should use it for any reason, it puts ads in the file explorer and has made it so file searches are also web searches and this cannot be turned off except through registry editing. Whoever is responsible for those decisions should be killed, full stop.
Switch to linux, it’s free and it’s good.
u r absolutely right I have SO many complaints about Windows omg.
For anyone who’d like to follow along, I’m gonna share how to get around those things with group policies bc they’re more user friendly and descriptive than registry editor imo :3 I’ll also show how to get around needing a Microsoft account to get setup.
For the Device Setup
“OOBE” stands for Out Of Box Experience which is what that setup workflow is. But it also happens to be a folder with a little program in it that’ll let you skip connecting to the internet; this makes it so you don’t have to sign up with a Microsoft account and can just use a normal local one instead. And it already comes preinstalled! Here’s how you get to it:
Hold Shift+ F10, or Shift + Fn + F10 depending on your keyboard.
Click inside the window that pops up, type the following and press enter afterwards to run it: OOBE\BypassNRO
I believe it should restart your computer automatically, but if not then restart your computer or type: shutdown /r /t 0 /f
Now when you’re brought back to the setup workflow, the page where you connect to the internet will have a new button on it that lets you say you don’t have internet. Clicking that and proceeding through the rest of the setup lets you get around the Microsoft account thing.
Group Policies
You don’t have to know much about them, these are just a bunch of specific settings for what your computer can or can’t do that lets you decide how it works in different ways.
I’m gonna show you how to turn off the recommendations and internet stuff basically. For now bring up search and type gpedit, pick this
It’ll open up to Local Group Policy Editor and we can get started :3c
Start Recommendations
In the side menu, go to User Configuration > Administrative Templates > Start Menu and Taskbar. Click on Settings to sort them with all the “Turn off” ones bumped to the top.
Here’s what you should set:
Turn off user tracking: enabled
Turn off feature advertisement balloon notifications: enabled
Remove Recommended section from Start Menu: enabled
Remove Personalized Website Recommendations from the Recommended section in the Start Menu: enabled
Do not search Internet: enabled
Windows Spotlight
Back in the side menu, go down to Windows Components > Cloud Content
Turn off all Windows spotlight features: enabled
Do not use diagnostic data for tailored experiences: enabled
Cortana
In the side menu, this one’s back at the top under Computer Configuration. You’re gonna want to go to Computer Configuration > Administrative Templates > Windows Components > Search
Allow Cortana: disabled
Don’t search the web or display web results in Search: enabled
News and Interests
In the side menu go to Computer Configuration > Administrative Templates > Windows Components > News and interests.
Enable news and interests on the taskbar: disabled
Microsoft Account Login Nudges
When you don’t use a Microsoft account they’ll nudge you repeatedly to sign in so you can “get the most out of your experience” *gag*. The group policy for turning that off has a note that suggests it might not work with Windows 11 though (implicitly), so you can close the group policy editor window now and for this last one let’s just open up the regular settings.
Go to System > Notifications > Additional settings, then uncheck all the boxes. And there ya go! (✿◠‿◠)ﾉ u are done.
Group policies are kind of a rabbit hole so while there is a lot more you could change or read into, for your own sanity’s sake I would advise against it and say call it a day lol
This is all extremely good information, thank you very much for the addition!
obviously dietary requirements aren’t a joke but my grandma sometimes runs errands for her church and i asked her what she’s up to today and she said extremely seriously “ive got to track down the body of the gluten free christ, julia”
Been listening to “Unreal Unearth” for the past two days and I just wanted to say I find something very hauntingly beautiful about how this album, being about the juxtaposition of humanity and sin and analyzing the different ways these sins can be committed – and sometimes the hypocrisy of them – features so many references to Gaeilge erasure and the preservation of Irish culture before British invasion and subsequent Christian influence.
![wickedwonderlandd:
“stinkysweatymothgirl:
“bimihai:
“[id: two men holding the halves of an amethyst geode, smiling. the geode is heart shaped, and both men are smiling. /end id]
”
babe are you ok you reblogged the two men holding the heart geode...](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4cfec8a14009128eca5e0cb28d3ca67b/cdb2f81bd18d7273-a8/s500x750/aedfaa3f047c9775954758580b21f4fbfcfbe2c3.jpg)
